Guess who didn’t fuck Abigail!?

Me! That’s who!

Those fucking Facebook pictures are so misleading and they always have me coming back! We went to a meeting together last night but I didn’t fuck her!

She looks nothing like her pictures and I always forget that! AND she was wearing that lacey grandma shit. I hate that shit! It doesn’t fit her body, it just hangs over her like a poncho, eww. And you know what else really chaps my ass? When I hang out with her, she always changes into some sweatpants and bulky sweater, no make up on, pale as fuck. She’s not the kind of girl who looks good in sweatpants and no make up on. Honey, YOU NEED THAT SHIT. I straight up hate this bitch. That fucking stuck-up North-Miami, Range-Rover-driving, dried-cunt bitch!

So glad I didn’t fuck her!

We hung out on her couch watching Drugstore Cowboy and her little brother kept fucking with us — he’s also a little faggot. It runs in the family. This kid is 13 and wearing a Christian Audiger shirt! Fucking kill yourself! I wanna fuck his sister in the ass!

This girl Julie has been texting me, she heard me speak and she seems cool. She’s also a rich Jewish girl. But not nearly as gay as Abigail though.

April 25th, 2009

I’m at the Spiritual Retreat.

So it’s a huge camp ground down in the Keys, there’s meetings and like 1,000 addicts out here. It's really cool to see all these people. I don’t know how “spiritual” it's been, but it’s definitely fun. Kevin and I jammed out to Eminem and Lil’ Wayne freestyles.

I keep trying to quit smoking but I’ve smoked a few cigs since I’ve been here.

Okay, so we set up shop at the campsite and spent the night walking around, seeing who’s here and shit, Kevin and I both down like three Red Bulls each on the way there. We go walking into the outer “woods” and chill. It’s a group of 30 of us, joking around, talking shit. It gets around 1am and we start to get bored so we pile in cars and head downtown to Key West.

BAM, first thing we see: TITTY BAR. Everyone’s down, Andrew hopes he can get his dick sucked with the $40 he has in his car. I’m the only rational one. “Uhh, we should probably not be going to a strip club. We should call our sponsors and see what they say.”

Andrew says, “C’mon Bryan, lets just go. You’re not gonna call your sponsor, you’re with us, c’mon man.”

We joke around and yet we’re walking up the steps that read “LIVE NUDE GIRLS.” But get this! It's not a titty bar, it’s a straight up whore house. Fucking 11 addicts piled in a little office with a fine-ass blonde working girl, and this black guy sits down and lays out some prices. Two hundred bucks to start off then a fucking DIME walks in and teases us with her sexy body. We make jokes about getting a group discount and oral sex but eventually we leave and go to Denny’s. Well, some of us left, I think like three people actually stayed and fucked.

Last night was fun. It made me feel young again, goofing off, fucking around… I feel myself around these people.

Today’s been fun. Kevin, Tara, Michelle and I went tubing off on this guy Danny’s boat. Danny has like 35 years clean or some shit like that. He was wearing a shirt that had a list of things that tell you if you’re an addict. The one that stood out to me was “when your favorite mixed drink is orange juice and methadone.”

That brought back memories.

When you're with addicts, a lot of barriers are taken down. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what you wear, how you talk or anything. We all have an understanding of each other. Oh shit, you’re in NA? Well fucking give me a hug you fucking junkie bastard.

I was talking to Cheryl about doing her fourth step and what it was like growing up with the disease. She’s probably 35 years old, a black woman with gold teeth, but I didn’t notice any of the differences. She’s here and I’m here. I was asking her about the steps and she told me about six and seven. She told me steps six and seven will change my fucking life, and when she said it, she said it with her heart and I knew she wasn’t lying. We were talking on the beach for like two hours, watching people, talking shit, hanging out, just two addicts, nothing more, nothing less… I seen Cheryl around meetings, but this was the first time I really TALKED to her… I love her.

The retreat is three days long. The second night was the main speaker; everyone gets their lawn chair in a concert-type environment around a stage. Let me just say, the fucking main speaker KILLED IT!!! This dude was fucking hands down the best fucking speaker I’ve ever ever ever heard in my life. He talked about God, he made me laugh, man it was so inspiring. He kept saying…

STOP THINKING IT'S ABOUT YOU.

That’s interesting… all of this, my life, my  recovery… it's not even about me.

It's about the newcomer.