Last night, James called me asking if I could bring him some gas cause he ran out on the side of the road. He was on I-95 and Davie Blvd…yeah, only one thing he could be doing there. His mom kept calling me and I told her where he was and that he ran out of gas. I told her I wasn’t going to bring him any. 

James picked me up when I got jumped, he took me to the pawn shop when I needed money, he gave me subs when I was sick, he came and got me when I was waiting on the side of the road cause I got ripped off. Whatever it was, he was always there for me. It’s hard, turning away from your friends, but fuck, I can’t do it anymore.

Gus is out getting high, he’s been shooting coke. I wonder if he’s trying to start that grow house. Southern Roy hasn’t been picking up my calls either. I’m coming up on a year clean and everyone around me is just getting high…getting high or dying.

I try to crack a smile and make the best of it, but I feel so fucking alone sometimes.

March 17th, 2009

I feel good. Night school is starting this week. Algebra 2 is worrying me, College is scaring me and the ACTs are in April.

I remember being in the court room with my parents. I just got out of detox, eight days clean. My mother rubbed my back. I was sweating, shaking in the seat, cupping my face in my hands, still withdrawing…the anxiety…withdrawing from opiates sucks.

Most people are going to prom, I’ve decided not to go. I’m not going to graduation either.

I don’t hang out with a single person from school. Except Sam, but I just fuck her. She’s ok. She’s not as cool as I thought. She’s kinda gay. I’m so judgmental.

I start night school today and I just realized something..

                                                                      FUCK!!!!!

I have my H&I commitment every other Wednesday! What am I going to do!? They changed the policy and now they want me to go to night school twice a week.

Last night, this guy Jessie asked me to sponsor him.

Today, Frankie asked if I got my teeth whitened.

I talked to James and he fessed up that he was out copping blues. No shit. 

I told him to meet me at a meeting…