I feel so good today. I’ve been going to a meeting every night and doing my step work. Last night, this kid asked me to sponsor him! Me?! That’s crazy right? I told him to get someone with more clean time but it was cool that someone thought I would be a good sponsor.

I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I took my mom to a meeting last night, everyone was so nice to her. 

November 19th, 2008

I downloaded a bunch of music on my iPod. It’s so nice out, I’m going to go ride my bike today. I feel good, like pretty normal… almost.

I saw Amy at the Ten last night. She said she is off Suboxone but she is still smoking weed to help with the withdrawals. Her arm was all bruised and the tops of her hands were covered in track marks. She asked me how I stayed clean. I didn’t really know what to say… I felt so bad looking at her. When she asked me how I stayed clean, I could hear the desperation in her voice. Her mouth quivering… sick, hurting. I kept thinking how we used to play as kids, we used to be in the same karate class. She actually stuck with it and won all these trophies. When I would go to her house, her parents had all these pictures of her like 12 years old doing a split with a black belt on, nun-chucks and everything… 

November 20th, 2008

I’m supposed to be in Algebra 2 but I wrote myself a pass. I hate being in school. There’s this girl in school that’s super hot. She’s like the hottest girl in school. I sold her fake acid last year when I was strung out, and I tried to pay her back a few months ago but told me to fuck off. Today I saw her in the hallway and she screamed out, “Fucking asshole!”

I feel bad.

Last year I was strung out and she called me out of the blue asking if I could get acid. I was really bad on opiates at this point and if anyone ever called me for any type of drug, I would just rob them. Most kids my age just want weed or acid or coke — they don’t really fuck with hard drugs. So I would rob them. She wanted a lot of acid. It was for her and a bunch of her friends. I met her up at a park with Stoop. She was with these redneck kids in big lifted trucks. She got in Stoop’s car, handed me $120 and I sold her a baggie with cut up magazine paper… I’ve done this to like five people who go to my high school. 

Today I was sitting by myself at lunch and this girl from my Spanish class came up to me. 

“Why do you sit by yourself?” she asks. 

I pretend not to hear her. 

“Hello? I’m talking to you. Why do you sit by yourself?” 

I take out one of my headphones.

“Because you’re gay and I fucking hate you.”

Sometimes I just want to be alone. 

I act like that in school, I just hate everyone here. I’m not really like that though. I just do that to keep  people away… hahaha, I guess I am like that sometimes. 

Everyday when I leave school it feels so good. I fucking hate this place. People think that it must be hard to stay clean in high school because of peer pressure, but I don’t see these kids as my peers. I would never get high with one of these fucks from high school. They don’t even get high, they just drink and smoke weed. They drive around looking for an empty house to drink at — how fucking gay is that?  Shoot crack and sell your family's heirlooms.