We’re watching BIG, the Tom Hanks movie.

I’m scared to go back to school. Like normal school. I fucking hate kids. Here isn’t so bad cause it’s a small group but fucking normal high school fucking blows dick.

Yesterday, I hung out with my friend Julien, he’s Jon’s brother. They’re just good people. They’re like my only friends who really know me, they’ve known me since before I was on drugs. They never judged me, though. When you’re a drug addict, everyone talks shit about you, everyone loves to hear the gossip like, “Oh you heard so-and-so got arrested, and so-and-so got hooked on crack and sold their parents jewelry and got Baker Acted.” Everyone wants to get in on the bullshit. They never did, though. When I got clean, Jon picked me up and we hung out like nothing happened. I hadn’t seen him in a long time. I knew I looked like shit. Last time I talked to him I texted him asking if I could deposit a check into his account and he just said, “Nah, not helping you buy drugs.”

I was a scum bag and you know what? I deserve all the shit people talk. But it’s nice to know that I still have some real friends. 

Kevin is going to treatment in Minnesota. I hope he stays clean. His parents want him to stay there for three months. I don’t think the treatment center is 12-step orientated. I know people get clean without the 12 steps but I just don’t think I ever could… Haha, it’s funny, when I was using I didn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything, and now I’m clean and I just want to save everyone. 

June 24th, 2008

93 Days Clean

Ehh, the weekend was good. Saturday, I picked my 90 days. Then I fucked “you know who” (haha, I just “you know who’d” myself)… obviously I can’t say who it is but yeah I fucked her. I fucked her and didn’t wear a condom, I hope Joan doesn’t read this and give me the, “Your dick is gunna fall off” speech. I really didn’t want to fuck her, but I couldn’t say no. Not wearing a condom was so dumb, but when you’re about to fuck stopping to get a condom out just seems like the dumbest idea ever. 

On Sunday, we had such a good meeting, the place was packed! Everyone showed up, it was a triple All-Star Speaker event and they had George, Train Wreck Scott and Javaris speak. It was so funny they all spoke on the steps one, two and three. I never seen so many people at The Ten in my life! George is the man — he’s this crazy-ass Bulgarian kid. He got clean when he was 19 and he has like 4 years clean. He’s crazy into NA, he speaks everywhere, he’s so funny. Train Wreck Scott is this crazy guy. Him and George are best friends, which is funny cause George is like this young guy and Scott is this old-ass dude who wears a wallet chain. Scott had like eight years clean before but relapsed and got clean again with George. It’s so cool to see them. They’re always together, they’re fucking legends. Javaris is this black dude who shares really well. He’s got like three years clean, he’s the man. It was just awesome to see these three different-as-fuck people all speak together.