January 20th, 2009

Dustin got his year medallion last night. It was so good to see someone get their year and be pissed off. The meeting was the last place he wanted to be but he fucking showed up anyway. I didn’t want to go to the meeting either but Charity was speaking so I had to show up. Dustin is probably the funniest person I know. He’s gay, extremely flamboyant but he really should be a comedian. When he got his medallion there were no jokes though. He was crying, saying he feels like using and doesn’t know why and didn’t want to even pick up his medallion but his sponsor reminded him that medallions are about the newcomer. It was powerful to see.

We have block scheduling at school. We have four classes the first half of the year and then the second part the year we switch again. Today we switched. 

I’m in economics, I don’t really like the teacher. Ehh, she’s okay. California is in my class. I should stop talking to her, I don’t like fucking people I see on a daily basis. I mean, unless they are super cool.

There’s a Fear and Loathing poster in here. I feel really weird in a new class. I don’t want to feel this way. New semester, new kids, new teacher, I don’t like it… Since today was the first day of the new semester, everyone had to stand up and introduce themselves. I felt so nervous. “What the fuck am I going to say?” Some kid stands up, “Hey, I’m so-and-so and I like fishing and hunting.” What the fucking shit? Some other kids get up and talk about their hobbies, what universities they want to go to, what they want to major in, what they do for fun. My heart starts beating really hard, I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack again. When it’s my turn, I stand up real awkwardly and say “Ugh, my name is Bryan and I’m an addict.” Everyone is like what the fuck and starts laughing, I continue… “I have 10 months clean. I go to meetings every day, I do service and I have a sponsor.” My teacher, Mrs. Keen, blurts, “Oh fuck.” She doesn’t believe any of it and then the kids around me start explaining, “It's true, he used to snort pills in chemistry,” followed by, “He got expelled last year.” I just sit down. Don’t say anything else…

I have a lot of clean time… Gio, Jamaica and James look at me like the one in charge — it’s funny. They’re older than me but I’m the leader. I love it. I never thought I’d enjoy being a good example. It’s cool!

Gio, Jamaica and James are my boys. We went to the beach over the weekend. It was so fun. Jamaica was tripping, “Oh shit nigga, we riding in a Benz! This nigga Alzate got a Benz!” Jamaica called shotgun, James and Gio sat in the back. We put the windows down. We all were smoking out the window, I put on “Hey Ma,” by Cam'ron. Gio leans over from the back seat, “That’s that shit, turn this up!” I turn it up and we ride out to the beach all rapping the song together…

“Yo, now I was downtown clubbin,  ladies night
Seen shorty, she was crazy right and I approached baby like
Ma what's your age and type?
She looked at me and said you's a baby right

I told her, I'm 18 and live a crazy life…

She looked at me laughin', like boy your game is tight
I'm laughin' back like sho' ya right get in the car AND DON'T TOUCH NOTHIN'
Sit in the car, let's discuss somethin'
Either we lovin' or I'll see you tomorrow.”

We got to the beach and Jamaica was fucking with every single girl, hollering at them, “Aye, wassup baby,” and “Gawd dam baby.” It was so funny, we were hanging out on the beach, smoking cigarettes, laughing, bullshitting. We were all sharing stories about getting high. Gio asks Jamaica, “So how was Alzate when he was getting high? I can’t imagine him using.” Jamaica looks at him and back at me and says, “Oh this nigga, Alzate was a straight crackhead. I had never seen anyone smoke that shit before. I heard he robbed a bunch of niggas and they jumped his ass.” We all started laughing. I told them the story about getting jumped in the everglades. Gio starts telling us stories about selling crack and prostituting his girl “Bro, swear to god, this one dude paid her $500 to piss on him!” 

It was fun. We all went to get food and Jamaica was sitting on the beach putting sand on his lap, I yell over at him “C’mon dawg, you’re gunna get my car dirty, get all that sand off you and come eat with us.” It was like he didn’t even hear me. He had a huge smile on his face, he looked like a little kid. The Jamaica I knew didn’t smile. When I would cop drugs off him, he was a different person. “Fuck you and give me my fucking money!” That was the Jamaica I knew. This guy who was sitting on the sand was an entirely different person. I yelled again “JAMAICA! LETS GO, NIGGA!” He looked back at me, “Fuck that, bring me back some shit, I ain’t leaving. Nigga I just got out of jail, I’m here with my nigga James, my nigga Gio, we chilling on the fucking beach! Look at the fucking ocean! Oh shit, look at the fucking ass! That bitch is beautiful!” 

I laughed and went to walk around and get some food, I get antsy and can’t sit still very long. When I got back, I saw a group of girls around Jamaica. They were hot as fuck, laughing and taking pictures with him. Jamaica was sitting on the ground and he put all this sand covering his legs and he made a huge dick and balls out of sand on top of him. It was so funny, I burst out laughing. He was waving at everyone just sitting there on the ground with his sand dick sculpture! So funny.