My mom is getting older. When I look at her sometimes I really notice it. She has some grey hairs now, more wrinkles than I remember. I feel responsible…

Imagine having me for a son.

My mom works so much, she makes like $38,000 a year selling life insurance. She had to take money out of her 401k to help the family. If I got high, my mom would fall apart — I can see it in her. I don’t want to get high but it would be so easy. Forge a check, take her Rolex and never look back.

I finished my second step, now I’m on step three.
    

September 27th, 2008

Yesterday after school I kind of felt like shit. Today I feel great. I went to the movie store and I bought “Ichi the Killer.” I liked it a lot. Gio, my old sponsor, called me. He said he started shooting Roxys and that he can get the 30s for $5. I’m not jealous of him like I used to be, but getting Roxys for $5 is insane. 

That Erin girl wants to fuck now, but now I don’t know if I want to. Maybe she’s just too fat. I’m in the parking lot waiting for the 8:30 meeting. I gotta start my college applications tomorrow, aw man ☹.

Sean, my sponsee brother, relapsed.

September 28th, 2008

Sean’s in the hospital. He got pilled up and drunk as fuck. He went to his ex-girlfriends house. Now he’s in the hospital, they had to shoot him up with Narcan.  Southern Roy thinks he’s been using again. Sean asked to borrow a shady $20. When people go out, it's easy to see the signs. This all started cause some kid fucked his girlfriend and he was walking around with a .45, he told me he was going to kill the dude and then himself. The Mad Russian had told him not to get into a relationship. Sean got all bent outta shape over his last girlfriend. 

At the hospital, Sean was threatening people so they ended up Baker Acting him. It’s for the better.

I listened to a voicemail from him. It goes kinda like this:

“Where’s the coke at nigga? You said it was that way. C’mon dawg, what are we doing? Let's go get that shit!”

He had left his phone on in his pocket.