I chilled with Karl today. We went to the supplement warehouse and hit the mall up. Karl is mad straight, we like a lot of the same shit. He reads a lot, too. I guess a lot of people who were locked up like to read.

May 17th, 2009

I have 421 days today. Yesterday was 420, lol. But that’s 421 in a row ;) that “in a row” part is important.

Karl and I are going to the gym and then the beach. Karl is 24, his drug of choice is opiates, he knows a lot, A LOT about pills, like every single pill out there. Karl is jacked, weighs like 230, covered in tattoos, half English, half Jamaican and a bunch of other shit, but he looks Spanish/black. Karl has three years clean and 14 months of that was in prison. I see him a lot at meetings, he asked me to speak for him and we started chilling recently.

May 18th, 2009

THERE'S HOES IN THE PARKING LOT!

School is almost over, not going to graduation, not going to prom. I just don’t give  a fuck about high school. 

But you know what? A nigga went to his DRUG COURT GRADUATION!

Fuck yeah, no more drug court! I walked in that bitch like I was graduating Harvard. My mom was so proud of me. She drove me to the courthouse to do my graduation. The Judge was so nice to me, she’s known me for years. When I got there, I couldn’t stop smiling. My mom was sitting next to me and the judge came by and gave me a big hug. The judge pulled me aside, she is older but you can tell she was really pretty when she was younger. She said, “Your mom told me you’re really involved in NA. That is so cool. You’re a powerful example to these kids. Would you mind saying a speech in front of the group?”

I said my little five-minute speech in front of everyone and my mom was crying. After, she took me to the mall and bought me a pair of shoes! I got these Creative Recs I’ve been wanting. 

I saw Train Wreck Scott last night. It's like sometimes, I feel like shit but then I go to a meeting and see these people. I love them. Sometimes I don’t even know them but I love them. Scott is one of those people who just seeing him at a meeting makes me feel like, “Ok, cool, everything's gonna be okay.” If I changed sponsors, I’d want him to sponsor me.

Cindy asked me to speak on Saturday at her women’s jail commitment. I’m so excited! I never spoke at a jail before.

Officer Gonzales said he’d give me my mugshot picture when I got arrested last year…Office Gonzales is cool as fuck. I don’t care how many times he tried to arrest me, he was always so nice to me.

I remember I got caught smoking cigarettes at school a few years back and I had pills on me, out of my mind on Roxys and he said he was going to call my parents. I laughed and said, “Go ahead call them. Who do you think buys me the cigarettes? My parents don’t give a shit about me.” Which was total bullshit! If my parents found out I was smoking in school, they would fucking kill me. My parents are the nicest people in the world. Haha. Officer Gonzales looks down at his notebook, twirls his pen, sitting in his office. I’m strung out. He looks me in the eyes and said, “I wanna help you kid. Those pills are going to kill you one day. Do you know how many people overdose in Broward County on Oxycontin? Ten people a day! A day… let me help you kid.” I didn’t know how he knew I was on pills, but he knew. I appreciated the help, I really did, and I could tell he was being genuine, I just felt in my heart that it wasn’t possible for me. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t deny it, we both knew. He ends up giving me my cigarettes back and said, “Here, take ‘em back, I know they’re expensive, don’t smoke them in school, okay?”

I sit in class by myself, everyone else is talking, the teacher hasn’t come in yet. Everyone is talking over me, around me, and I just sit there by myself. Sometimes I overhear their conversation and think maybe someone is going to ask me something, but no one ever does. These girls in class were talking about this movie Maria Full Of Grace — it’s like my favorite movie, well foreign movie. They were talking about people coming over to watch it. I was sitting right there and I was thinking, “Oh, they’re gonna invite me. I mean I’m sitting right here.” But no, they didn’t….