The meeting Gio and I started is doing real well. It's so great to be a part of it. George spoke for me last night and I laughed so much. He said:

“I don’t have a badass using story. There’s no fancy cars, no hookers, no sex – like WHATSOEVER. To be honest with you, I don’t get it when people share about how drugs and sex went hand in hand, like why stop?  That shit sounds awesome. My story isn’t glamorous like that at all. I didn’t kill anyone, never been to prison, I was always made fun of, and when I got arrested, people would be like, ‘Man, did you see that loser get maced and dragged by one leg through the trailer park by the cops wearing a Bevis and Butthead shirt? What a fucking loser!’”

Have I told you about David? He’s one of my new sponsees. He’s like 50 years old. He drinks a lot. He’s been clean before and knows about the program. He heard me speak and asked if I could sponsor him and I said, “Yeah, of course.” He’s really socially awkward... I guess I was when I first got clean too, though.

David said he wants me to sponsor him, but he said he’s had it with meetings and the people in it. Like, what the fuck am I supposed to say? It’s hard sponsoring people, to try to encourage them without being pushy. Some people need to be pushed. The Mad Russian is pushy. “Work steps or fucking die. If you don’t call me every day, then go get a new sponsor.”

The porn I got isn’t that great — I thought it was but it’s not. These guys have big dicks but don’t know how to use it, like they don’t go all the way in ever. What’s the point of having a big dick if you only use half of it? Maybe the girls can’t take it? Then they need to get new girls! It’s annoying. Who wants to watch a porn where the guy only uses half his dick? I hate when they show the guy fucking her with her legs up, then they change camera views and they show the nice pussy getting fucked, then they show the asshole and I’m just like, “Fuck the asshole now!” Nothing. And then I’m like, What the fuck?! I fast forward and goddammit there’s no anal in this one! Don’t show the asshole if you’re not gunna fuck it!

Kevin asked me if I wanted to go to the porn convention this weekend in Miami. Andrew and Jeff are going. Abigail asked me if I wanted to go, too. That bitch needs to go. Go learn something, ya boring fucking bitch.

“Let's talk about spaceships or anything except me and you.”
—Say Hi To Your Mom

May 7th, 2009

The really ugly girl I hooked up with in the parking lot just walked by. I don’t even look at her... I hate school… I feel alone and broken. I don’t do drugs anymore but I still do sluts. I need to start working on the sluts…

Skipped class, in the cafeteria…