I spoke at the women’s jail last night and it was sick! I get nervous and sometimes I don’t want to speak, but this program saved my life. I can’t say no. When we walked in, Cindy was telling me, “The girls are probably getting their fake-up on. They know I’m bringing a male speaker.” “What's fake-up,” I asked. “Fake-up is when they make make-up out of toothpaste and pencil lead.”

It was cool to give them some hope and bring in a message. I talked about Jamaica, I always try to mention him. After Jamaica died, it was like… I had to stay clean. 

I should try to apologize to my dad…try to be the bigger man.

Gio got six months yesterday. He just finished his first step. It’s cool to see him doing good.

I’m listening to Billy Corgan’s band, Zwan.

“Cause there's no place that I could be
without you…
it's too far to discard the life I once
knew…

Honestly all the weather storms
are bringing
are just pictures of my dreams.”

—Zwan

May 26th, 2009

8:13pm.

It's been raining. I watched Ali G reruns with Karl today. I haven’t fucked in a while (sad face). It's kinda nice though, maybe it’s for the better. Usually, if I haven’t had sex in a few weeks, I start feeling like a pathetic loser…. now I have more time to plan my killings.

Last Friday was really cool. It was like the last day of real school. We just have to take finals this week. Anyways, I bought this piñata of a Nick Jr. character for Mrs. Keen. It looked so weird I had to buy it. I always felt alienated in school, but I’ve grown to love Mrs. Keen’s class and the kids in it. I brought in Heavy Weights so we can watch it in class. I also get 14 months on Friday so it was just an all-around good day. The photo below is a year clean, the last day of Mrs. Keen’ class. Definitely the only kid in school with a NA necklace.