I’m at school for this rehearsal graduation ceremony. Mad gay.

I think Chris and Rachel were high at the retreat. Dude, you just overdosed and now you’re doing the same shit AT A SPIRITUAL RETREAT... it’s frustrating but there’s nothing I can do.

I’ve been fucking little petite girls with small boobs lately… it’s getting old.

My parents are so proud of me, haha, it's funny. They still see me as the little baby of the family. My dad was asking me where his Bose iPod player was and I looked at him with that face and said, “Sorry man, I smoked it.” We laughed and he’s gunna give me money to buy another one. My dad is going to trust me to buy him a new stereo! Like, he’s going to hand me money…shit is insane. My father hasn’t given me money in years.

April 29th, 2009

When I take shits in school, I use the spare time to make new playlists on my iPod. This one is entitled “Kill your wife.”

• Boxcar Racer – Tiny Voices  

• Arctic Monkeys – Yellow Bricks  

• Franz Ferdinand – All My Friends (LCD Soundsystem cover)  

• Gaslight Anthem – Here’s Looking at You, Kid  

• O.A.R. – King of the Thing  

• Sugar Ray – Friday Morning  

• The Strokes – Is This It  

• Kings of Leon – Arizona  

• Pixies/Radiohead – In My Mind  

• Everclear – Local God  

• Jamie T – If You Got the Money  

• Arctic Monkeys – Choo Choo  

• Kings of Leon – California Waiting  

• I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody’s Business – Timshel  

• Beck – Girl  

• Gorillaz – Kids with Guns (Hot Chip Remix)  

• Radiohead – Romeo and Juliet  

• Say Anything – Retarded in Love  

• Nine Inch Nails – Pretty Piece of Flesh  

• The Shins – Pressed in a Book  

• Mighty Mighty Bosstones – Someday I Suppose  

• The National – Mistaken for Strangers

Going to FRC today. I really miss my H&I commitment. Yesterday, I was feeling lazy and not wanting to go to a meeting, “feeling cured,” but I had to go to my chair commitment. Louie Love spoke for me. He’s a good guy. He treats me like an equal. I feel so alone in school but I’m at peace with myself when I’m doing service. Louie was charged with a triple homicide. He shot dope for 23 years, been to prison, sold dope in prison and when he hugs me, I know he really does care about me and I feel like I belong. Sometimes you meet people and there’s just something about them that’s genuine. 

Ray is speaking for me tonight at FRC. His arms look like swiss cheese — some track marks never go away. He’s changed because of the program. He’s over 40 for sure but he’s back in college and trying to go to law school. It’s amazing to see junkies chase things other than drugs.

I think about those late nights at Doc’s… a lot…smoking crack with homeless people.