FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH.

I’m going over Sam’s to play Nintendo 64 and fuck.

Lately, I haven’t been journaling.

March 14th, 2009

1am.

I just got back from watching a movie with Gio and some people from his halfway. It’s funny how I can sit at school and hate everyone and not feel even somewhat apart of it, but I go to some shitty $8 movie theatre with a bunch of guys from a halfway house and feel like we are all life-long friends. The group of people at his halfway are always interesting. There’s Big Adam, the owner, and this guy Jeff who is a 45-year-old crackhead whose grandma pays his rent. He’s 45 but he acts like he’s 12 and he’s been in and out of the program for years. There’s this guy Hector who is covered in tattoos; he works construction and has like four months clean. He’s like 33 years old, just did a few years, big crackhead/methadone addict. He’s so funny. He was talking to Gio about a “fee fee” when we walked into the movie theatre and I turned to them with my big soda in my hand and said, “What the fuck is a fee fee? They both look at me like I’m an idiot…

“Nigga fee fee, a fee fee dawg? You don’t know what a fee fee is? Shit nigga, it’s a pocket pussy,” Gio joins in, “Yeah man, you get two latex gloves, fill them with warm water, rubber band them, put some lotion inside it and you fuck it.” We were all laughing. I guess it’s what they do in prison.

I was watching the movie, and the people on the screen, a husband and wife, sat down and shared some wine. I turned to Gio, “You know, in theory, we’ll never be able to do that.” We both smiled, “Haha, yeah I know, right?”

I’ll never be able to have wine with my wife at dinner parties. I’ll always be the one grinning saying, “Oh, no I don’t drink.” Never drinking at a party, never sharing a beer with my Dad…

Weird to think about, right? I know, I know, it’s a “just for today” program, but deep down I know it’s either I’m clean 100% or I’m dead. 

In the car, I caught myself staring at Gio’s track marks, half drooling, half disgusted… he’s got some sweet ones.

I see her (Ashley)  at school and in the gym… it doesn’t feel good.